Well, I’ve had many cliques of friends over the past few years, but none of them lasted.
I was hanging out with my friend from secondary school today, we’ve known each other for 8 years and we hang out quite regularly and she loves the library too.
She’s attending university soon and one thing she said today made me realize what I really needed in a friend.
She said ” Why aren’t you in uni, I want you to be in uni too.”
I desperately wanted to go to the university too, but her saying that sentence made me felt like I belong and I understood how come ONLY this friendship withstood the test of time unlike the rest.
Around this best friend (my one and only best friend and friend 😂 If you’re toxic, the door’s that way 😉) I never have to feel like I don’t belong or that I have to wear my mask around her. Around everyone else, I did. Everyone who met me, met the mask I was wearing, the one that seemed so calm and composed and stoic, but around her, I don’t even need that mask.
Last and this year were years that I cut off all my ties with the toxic people in my life, friends who claimed that they were friends but stabbed me in the back, an ex that kept coming back and still mentally hurt me like before.
So if you ask me whether I’m happier now, I would definitely say I am. Even though every day is a battle with depression and anxiety, and even stepping out of my house scares me, I am happy.
Like I said in one of my reviews (I think it was The Lovely Reckless), when you have depression, you only need ONE, at least one person to care about you even if you don’t feel like it. That ONE person will get you through even if they don’t know that they’re saving you just by caring.
So even though I have said this many times to her, I am really thankful that I never need to wear my INFJ mask around her and that I can finally feel like I belong around her.