Ask and you will receive

So yesterday night I was having one of those ‘2am thoughts’ moments and was sobbing myself to sleep, I suddenly missed all those toxic people in my life that I had already cut off.

I took my anger and sadness out on twitter, venting on how people think its easy for the INFJ to door slam, thinking we no longer feel a thing. Thinking that we could do it so easily because we were used to locking people out of our lives and seeking solace in loneliness.

This was what I tweeted

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Someone actually replied me, mentioning that “It was the hardest thing we ever had to do, but when we’re pushed so far, we no longer have a choice.”

And I replied ” I totally agree, we do the door slam as a last resort and in the process, a fraction of us dies.” And I didn’t realise how true it was till it was said out loud.

Yes, people may have found our door slam rude and uncalled for, and even childish, but its our way of rebelling against the world that has decided to silence our words and emotions. The door slam is the last way we communicate with that toxic person to let them know that they have hurt us enough, and this slam is where we draw the line. To us, we will treat you as though you’re dead, but it doesn’t change the fact that we will still miss you and still care for you even though you hurt us so deeply.

We have to close these doors which reek of toxic because there’s no other choice but to protect ourselves before the toxic kills us from within.

So, I decided to check out the person who was replying to my tweets and realised that the person was having quite a shitty day too, and offered her a virtual hug.

Do you see how decayed this world is? Until the fact that we find more solace and comfort in the words of random strangers then the ones around us?

When we’ve been screaming so much that our throats have run hoarse and we can’t keep screaming while drowning in water because nobody actually hears us? They don’t see the tears we cry at night, but the masks we wear to prove to the world that we can fit in with society.

But the thing is, we were never born to fit in. Each of our purpose is not going to be the same as the other person beside us, so there’s no point trying so hard to fit in because we never will. But for INFJs, we always seem to NEVER fit in, no matter where we go. Thats why we seek solace in things that will hopefully be eternal like nature, music, knowledge, etc..

I remember praying to God and asking him to quickly let me meet my soul mate, even if its the wrong time, but instead, he sent me to another person who was suffering just like me. Maybe its God’s way of telling me I don’t have a soul mate, maybe it’s his way of telling me to be patient and focus on more healing first.

We never really figure out God’s intentions with us immediately, but in due time, we figured out why things happened like that 2 years ago after another 2 years, but in that process, we learn something that makes us wiser and stronger.

So for everyone who’s fighting their crazy battles, keep hanging on, you’re never alone, even if you feel you are.

And for those who think they are broken, you’re not. You don’t need fixing. You are just different, and different is good.

The Lovely Reckless by Kami Garcia

“When the flashback hits, I get dizzy. I’ve seen tons of doctors, and they all say it’s normal.”

Normal if you’re broken and glue isn’t strong enough to hold you together.

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Title: The Lovely Reckless

Author: Kami Garcia

The lovely reckless

Recommended to fans of: 13 reasons why

Series: –

Publisher: Imprint

Format: Hardcover

Genre: Romance, YA, Contemporary

Rating: 5/5

[Synopsis] (Taken from goodreads)

I’ve become an expert at avoiding things that could hurt me—which means I will figure out how to stay away from Marco Leone.

Seventeen-year-old Frankie Devereux would do anything to forget the past. Haunted by the memory of her boyfriend’s death, she lives her life by one dangerous rule: Nothing matters. At least, that’s what Frankie tells herself after a reckless mistake forces her to leave her privileged life in the Heights to move in with her dad—an undercover cop. She transfers to a public high school in the Downs, where fistfights don’t faze anyone and illegal street racing is more popular than football.

Marco Leone is the fastest street racer in the Downs. Tough, sexy, and hypnotic, he makes it impossible for Frankie to ignore him—and how he makes her feel. But the risks Marco takes for his family could have devastating consequences for them both. When Frankie discovers his secret, she has to make a choice. Will she let the pain of the past determine her future? Or will she risk what little she has left to follow her heart?

(Thoughts) (DISCLAIMER:This is my opinion only, may contain spoilers for the book, may contain coarse language)

  • Well Frankie’s mum is definitely not understanding
  • OMG, Frankie was trying to stop the fight and got elbowed
  • Sofia, Marco’s sister is so cute
  • Wow, Marco coming in to save Frankie was cool, but why was Abel betting on the races and gambling so much?
  • Marco’s attraction to Frankie is so cute
  • Wow, Cruz defending Frankie was cool
  • SO Frankie was drunk and made out with Marco, and he just blurted out something about rich people stereotypes
  • OMG, Frankie offered to race on behalf of Cruz, that’s insane!
  • It felt as though Frankie wasn’t happy when she was together with Noah, but feels more guilty about his death
  • (Quote) “Marco doesn’t stand in the hall and stare at girls or beg them to talk to him.”
  • Well Deacon could be mean, but at least he’s protecting Cruz from her dad
  • OMG, Marco’s dad was screwed up, at least Deacon saved Sofia
  • Frankie’s dad just assumed that Marco and Deacon are bad? I mean I understand he’s a cop, but there’s no solid evidence yet, but he also cares for his daughter
  • Okay, Marco stole the cars, but he had a valid reason but was extorted and left with no choice, but its wrong to steal too
  • The story addresses themes like the grey areas in any situation,loss, getting over loss, moving on, stereotypes
  • Marco feels a though Frankie doesn’t need to be fixed (This is so cute)
  • Okay, I’m so angry at Frankie’s dad
  • “How am I going to break his heart and mine – and walk away?”
  • OMG, the break up was so sad
  • OMG, Abel was gambling because he was trying to earn money to buy back his father’s belongings which his mother was selling
  • ‘The lovely reckless’ is the title of Abel’s father’s first song, awww
  • OMG, it was Deacon who killed Noah
  • The pepper spray was a life-saver, OMG Frankie crashed the car and Deacon went berserk, luckily the police came in time
  • The story was great and the plot twists were intertwined perfectly, the plot was reckless and the romance was lovely 😀

Have you read this book? What are your thoughts and opinions? Leave a comment down below! 🙂