I read an article about how the birth order of children affects their personality/growth later on over here. (It was really insightful by the way!)
So I was born as the middle child in my family, and when I was younger, I definitely had middle child syndrome.
I always tried harder to compete for attention. Anything my sister could do, I would do it better, but I never got more praises or compliments, I always had less.
A middle child is the creative one, the one who isn’t afraid to take risks and be independent. Well although I am the creative one in a family of science and business diploma people, it has not helped in allowing me to blend in.
I grew up being really resentful of my sister, and I still am.
Although I grew up as a middle child, my responsibilities were of the firstborn instead.
I’ve read that the middle child takes on the rebellious role and the role opposite of what the firstborn takes on.
Well, I’m sure everyone knows that the firstborn is supposed to be responsible and like the second parent to the other siblings, but that was never the case with my family.
My sister never had that responsibility, she was too selfish to even care what the rest of us were up to. She never bothered with us at all. I hated that she still got all the attention.
I proved to my parents time and time again that I was the responsible one, that I was the dependant one. So far, only my mother got the memo.
I am a rebel at heart, and always have been, but at the same time, I was raised with the qualities of a firstborn just without the same amount of attention. I was the one who continuously looked after my siblings and nagged at them.
It sucked when my parents only paid attention to my sister when she scratched herself, ONCE. When I’ve been complaining of my anxiety attacks for years, and they brushed it off, telling me that the rapid heartbeats and panicking was just all in my head.
I hated that asian families are so conservative towards mental illness and that any sign or declaration of it immediately makes you as evil as the Joker.
It sucked to never be appreciated for all the things I do in this house, and I’ve been pressured to follow the norms of the society.
I hated that my parents couldn’t understand anything and were too narrow-minded towards mental illness.
But maybe I learnt the hard way of how not to raise children, and I’ll never raise my own children (If I even find a guy to marry) the same way. I don’t want to pin my ideals on them, I want them to be able to find their own identities and not live having to think that I would expect a lot from them. I want my own children to be okay with the idea of mental illness and be more accepting of it.
Come to think of it, I was really a rebel. I always secretly disobeyed my parents, well, unintentionally. For example, dating, staying out late (Actually I was peer-pressured into that), changing religion. But I think all of that helped to shape me for the person I am today.
Hey, if they raised me and I turned out to be an INFJ, the rarest personality in the world, they must have done something extremely right, or something extremely wrong.