Blog Tour: A Memory of Fire (SoulNecklace Stories #3) by R.L. Stedman

Hello bookish friends, today, it’s my stop for the blog tour for A Memory of Fire (SoulNecklace Stories #3) by R.L. Stedman thanks to Xpresso Book Tours! This book is already released! This book sounds really good! Stay tuned to the end for a giveaway!

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Title: A Memory of Fire (SoulNecklace Stories #3) 

Author: R.L. Stedman

Publication date: 1st October 2017

Genres: YA, Fantasy

Synopsis:

About my wrist is a tattoo of roses, strung like beads on a bracelet of thorns. I have a past, if only I could remember — but I cannot remember.

Held captive in a strange city, Dana dreams of fire and flight. There is something she must find, but she does not know what it is, or why it is important. If only her dreams would let her rest.

Half a world away, Will studies a new, exciting discipline. But while N’tombe the enchantress is impressed by his newfound skills, inside he feels only desperation. A terrible moment is approaching; soon, Dana must face her final ordeal. Is his new power enough to save her? And is he prepared for what might happen next?

In this thrilling conclusion to the award-winning SoulNecklace Stories, Will and Dana must make a heart-breaking choice. A choice that may change their world forever.

Purchase this awesome book at:

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Memory-Fire-R-L-Stedman/dp/1974036359/

B&N: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-memory-of-fire-r-l-stedman/1126870438?ean=9781974036356

Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/a-memory-of-fire-1

iBooks: https://itunes.apple.com/ca/book/a-memory-of-fire/id1270443719?mt=11&ign-mpt=uo%3D4

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Author Biography:

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Award-winning author Rachel Stedman lives in Dunedin, New Zealand with her husband and two children. Her first novel, A Necklace of Souls, won Best First Novel at the New Zealand Post Book Awards 2014. In 2012 Rachel was the winner of the Tessa Duder Award and was shortlisted for the Tom Fitzgibbon Award. If she’s not got her nose in a book, she’s on instagram or twitter (@rlstedman) or at her local library. Her website is www.RLStedman.com.

Want a FREE collection of fairytales? Then copy and paste this link into your browser: https://dl.bookfunnel.com/k9dl7iv39v

Author Links:

https://rlstedman.com/

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6966071.R_L_Stedman

https://www.facebook.com/soulnecklace

https://twitter.com/rlstedman

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Here is an excerpt of the book!

“About my wrist is a tattoo of flowers; six roses, strung like beads on a bracelet of thorns. I have a past, if only I could remember. But I cannot remember.

Twice a day a serving girl delivers food and water. Her dark hair swings across her face like a curtain. She reminds me of a shadow.

Who am I? Why am I here?

I open the door to my chamber. Two guards in chain mail stand on either side of the entranceway. For a moment they look surprised, then their spears bar my way. Behind the soldiers I see wide wooden stairs, leading down into darkness. From the shadows comes a dry rustling, like leaves scudding in the wind. In the shade of the stairwell something moves. There are more guards than just these men.

Thoughts fragment. The world turns. The serving girl appears and departs again. Days become nights and nights become days. I lie staring at a white ceiling from which hangs a red lamp. I have no name, no voice.

Below lies a city and a courtyard with a silver fountain. Far in the distance are snow-capped peaks, with names I do not know. In dreams I feel the tug and pull of planets, the cold dust between the stars. There is music here; I sing fragments of song to tie the memory to my heart. If I can capture the truth of my dreams, I might remember who I am. And then I will be whole.

Time continues onwards until, without any warning, I have another dream. And it changes everything. This was my dream …”

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And lastly, a giveaway! Feel free to enter the tour-wide giveaway (Open to Internationally!)

  • $20 Amazon gift card (International)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The giveaway ends on the 19th October 2017

Thanks to:

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Top 5 under-rated YA book series

Top 5 under-rated YA book series

(DISCLAIMER: This is based on my own opinion and recommendations only. The books specified are not ranked in any order. May contain spoilers for the books)

 

  1. The cage series by Megan Shepherd

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My rating: 5/5

Genre: YA, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Dystopian, Romance

(Synopsis – Taken from goodreads) (First book – The cage)

The Maze Runner meets Scott Westerfeld in this gripping new series about teens held captive in a human zoo by an otherworldly race. From Megan Shepherd, the acclaimed author of The Madman’s Daughter trilogy.

When Cora Mason wakes in a desert, she doesn’t know where she is or who put her there. As she explores, she finds an impossible mix of environments—tundra next to desert, farm next to jungle, and a strangely empty town cobbled together from different cultures—all watched over by eerie black windows. And she isn’t alone.

Four other teenagers have also been taken: a beautiful model, a tattooed smuggler, a secretive genius, and an army brat who seems to know too much about Cora’s past. None of them have a clue as to what happened, and all of them have secrets. As the unlikely group struggles for leadership, they slowly start to trust each other. But when their mysterious jailer—a handsome young guard called Cassian—appears, they realize that their captivity is more terrifying than they could ever imagine: Their captors aren’t from Earth. And they have taken the five teenagers for an otherworldly zoo—where the exhibits are humans.

As a forbidden attraction develops between Cora and Cassian, she realizes that her best chance of escape might be in the arms of her own jailer—though that would mean leaving the others behind. Can Cora manage to save herself and her companions? And if so . . . what world lies beyond the walls of their cage?

(Recommendation)

I absolutely loved this series! It’s definitely recommended to the fans of the Lunar Chronicles! I felt that this book was really under-rated and there are not many fans (that I know of). This series definitely belongs on the list and I hope that many more people would read it! Packed with action, tricky puzzles that poke your brain and a romance to die for, the cage series.

 

  1. The Syrena legacy by Anna Banks

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My rating: 5/5

Genre: YA, Romance, Fantasy, Mythology

(Synopsis – Taken from goodreads) (First book – Of Poseidon)

Galen is the prince of the Syrena, sent to land to find a girl he’s heard can communicate with fish. Emma is on vacation at the beach. When she runs into Galen—literally, ouch!—both teens sense a connection. But it will take several encounters, including a deadly one with a shark, for Galen to be convinced of Emma’s gifts. Now, if he can only convince Emma that she holds the key to his kingdom…

Told from both Emma and Galen’s points of view, here is a fish-out-of-water story that sparkles with intrigue, humor, and waves of romance.

(Recommendation)

Another series that definitely belongs to this list is the Syrena Legacy by Anna Banks. Personally, I felt that this was the best mermaid trilogy written, but there are barely any fans (that I know of) for this series. I felt that this book should have more hype as the storyline was written beautifully and the romance was so OMG. A definite recommendation for fans of adventure, romance and mermaids.

 

  1. Fire & Flood Series by Victoria Scott

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My rating: 4/5

Genre: YA, Fantasy, Science Fiction, Dystopian, Romance

(Synopsis – Taken from goodreads) (First book – Fire & Flood)

What would you do to save someone you love?

Time is slipping away. . . .

Tella Holloway is losing it. Her brother is sick, and when a dozen doctors can’t determine what’s wrong, her parents decide to move to the middle of nowhere for the fresh air. She’s lost her friends, her parents are driving her crazy, her brother is dying–and she’s helpless to change anything.

Until she receives mysterious instructions on how to become a Contender in the Brimstone Bleed. It’s an epic race across jungle, desert, ocean, and mountain that could win her the prize she desperately desires: the Cure for her brother’s illness. But all the Contenders are after the Cure for people they love, and there’s no guarantee that Tella (or any of them) will survive the race.

The jungle is terrifying, the clock is ticking, and Tella knows she can’t trust the allies she makes. And one big question emerges: Why have so many fallen sick in the first place?

Victoria Scott’s breathtaking novel grabs readers by the throat and doesn’t let go.

(Recommendation)

Although many have complained that this book was too similar to the Hunger Games Series, I beg to differ. I felt that this series was way more interesting than the Hunger Games as it really plays well on the fantasy element of the story. This book belongs on this list as many people pull it off as a rip-off, but it’s perfectly unique in its own way despite what others say.

 

  1. The Arcana Chronicles by Kresley Cole

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My rating: 5/5

Genre: YA, Fantasy, Romance, Science Fiction, Dystopian

(Synopsis – Taken from goodreads) (First book – Poison princess)

She could save the world-or destroy it.
Sixteen year old Evangeline “Evie” Greene leads a charmed life, until she begins experiencing horrifying hallucinations. When an apocalyptic event decimates her Louisiana hometown, Evie realizes her hallucinations were actually visions of the future-and they’re still happening. Fighting for her life and desperate for answers, she must turn to her wrong-side-of-the-bayou classmate: Jack Derveaux.

But she can’t do either alone.
With his mile-long rap sheet, wicked grin, and bad attitude, Jack is like no boy Evie has ever known. Even though he once scorned her and everything she represented, he agrees to protect Evie on her quest. She knows she can’t totally depend on Jack. If he ever cast that wicked grin her way, could she possibly resist him?

Who can Evie trust?
As Jack and Evie race to find the source of her visions, they meet others who have gotten the same call. An ancient prophesy is being played out, and Evie is not the only one with special powers. A group of twenty-two teens has been chosen to reenact the ultimate battle between good and evil. But it’s not always clear who is on which side…

(Recommendation)

I have never met another person who is as hyped up about this series as I am (not including my best friend who I coaxed into reading this series before she enjoyed it as well). This book definitely belonged to this list as the world building was fantastic, the characters are so unique and real. It’s a mixture of the Hunger Games and Tarot Cards, together in one epic battle to the death.

I heard that there’s a TV show that supposed to come out, so… Check out the book!

 

  1. The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer

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My rating: 5/5

Genre: YA, Fantasy, Science Fiction, Dystopian, Romance

(Synopsis – Taken from goodreads) (First book – Cinder)

Sixteen-year-old Cinder is considered a technological mistake by most of society and a burden by her stepmother. Being cyborg does have its benefits, though: Cinder’s brain interference has given her an uncanny ability to fix things (robots, hovers, her own malfunctioning parts), making her the best mechanic in New Beijing. This reputation brings Prince Kai himself to her weekly market booth, needing her to repair a broken android before the annual ball. He jokingly calls it “a matter of national security,” but Cinder suspects it’s more serious than he’s letting on.

Although eager to impress the prince, Cinder’s intentions are derailed when her younger stepsister, and only human friend, is infected with the fatal plague that’s been devastating Earth for a decade. Blaming Cinder for her daughter’s illness, Cinder’s stepmother volunteers her body for plague research, an “honor” that no one has survived.

But it doesn’t take long for the scientists to discover something unusual about their new guinea pig. Something others would kill for.

(Recommendation)

Although this series has a fanbase that is large, I felt that this book definitely deserved more hype. Each character has a partner by the end of the series, but this is the best retelling series I’ve ever read in my life! I would definitely recommend this series to fans of kick-ass heroines, action and romance.

 

 

Have you read these books? What are your thoughts and opinions? Leave a comment down below! 🙂

The worlds we make (Fallen world #3) by Megan Crewe

“If you are going to believe things can get better, believe it because you do, not because of me.”

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Title: The worlds we make (Book #3)

Author: Megan Crewe

Recommended to fans of: The Arcana Chronicles by Kresley Cole, Eliza and her monsters by Francesca Zappia, The Grisha Trilogy by Leigh Bardugo

Series: Fallen World Series

Publisher: Hyperion

Format: Hardcover

Genre: YA, Science Fiction, Dystopian, Romance, Fantasy

Rating: 3/5

[Synopsis] (Taken from goodreads)

The virus has taken away Kaelyn’s friends, her family, her home.

And now a deadly enemy threatens to take the one hope she has left:THE CURE.

When Kaelyn and her friends reached Toronto with a vaccine for the virus that has ravaged the population, they thought their journey was over. But now they’re being tracked by the Wardens, a band of survivors as lethal as the virus who are intent on stealing the vaccine no matter what the cost.

Forced onto the road again, Kaelyn and her companions discover the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta is their best hope for finding scientists who can reproduce the vaccine. But with the virus already spreading among them, the Wardens hot on their trail, and hundreds of miles to cross, Kaelyn finds herself compromising her morals to keep her group alive. Her conscience seems a small price to pay if protects them and their precious cargo. Unless even that is not enough…

In the final installment in Megan Crewe’s captivating the Fallen World trilogy, Kaelyn is on the run from her biggest adversaries yet. While she continues to face horrific loss, her resolve is still strong. But to survive this shattered world, will she have to sacrifice all that’s left of the girl she was?

(Thoughts) (DISCLAIMER: This is my opinion only, may contain spoilers for the book, may contain coarse language)

  • (SPOILER ALERT) OMG Gav dies? How could the author? (Let me go and cry in the corner)
  • The rest of them head to the Centre of Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta, in hopes of finding doctors who could duplicate the vaccine
  • I think Tobias had the best character arc, he was a coward and selfish at first, but he comes better and selfless
  • The remaining 4, after successfully establishing contact with CDC, continue on, facing other obstacles along the way
  • Throughout the entire book, I kept hoping that Gav was still alive
  • The wardens catch up to them, but they put up a fight
  • Kaelyn is reunited with her brother, Drew, while being taken as a prisoner to Michael
  • Drew helped them escape, but Anika didn’t make it
  • Kaelyn ended up with Leo (OKAY, WTF? I WAS SO ANNOYED, SERIOUSLY)
  • And she got Michael and the CDC to a compromise (Wasn’t this a too easy ending?)
  • When Kaelyn wrote her father, Gav, Anika and Tobias’s names on the memorial list, it brought tears to my eyes
  • I’m glad that they managed to create the vaccine
  • I was annoyed and REALLY DISAPPOINTED in this series, why did Gav have to die? Why was Michael NOT as menacing as he was described?
  • This book was definitely too rushed and the author just wanted to finish the series (That was what it felt like)
  • I would rather Kaelyn ended up alone. How could she get over Gav so easily despite the amount of guilt that was eating her up?
  • Add this series to the books that I would throw across the room list

Have you read this book? What are your thoughts and opinions? Leave a comment down below! 🙂

The lives we lost (Fallen World #2) by Megan Crewe

“Maybe when life gets tough enough, we all turn into bad people.”

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Title: The lives we lost (Book #2)

Author: Megan Crewe

Recommended to fans of: The Arcana Chronicles by Kresley Cole, Eliza and her monsters by Francesca Zappia, The Grisha Trilogy by Leigh Bardugo

Series: Fallen World Series

Publisher: Disney Hyperion

Format: Hardcover

Genre: YA, Science Fiction, Dystopian, Romance, Fantasy

Rating: 5/5

[Synopsis] (Taken from goodreads)

First, the virus took Kaelyn’s friends. Then, her family. Now it’s taken away her home.

But she can’t look back—the life she once had is gone forever.

A deadly virus has destroyed Kaelyn’s small island community and spread beyond the quarantine. No one is safe. But when Kaelyn finds samples of a vaccine in her father’s abandoned lab, she knows there must be someone, somewhere, who can replicate it. As Kaelyn and her friends head to the mainland, they encounter a world beyond recognition. It’s not only the “friendly flu” that’s a killer—there are people who will stop at nothing to get their hands on the vaccine. How much will Kaelyn risk for an unproven cure, when the search could either destroy those she loves or save the human race?

Megan Crewe’s second volume in the Fallen World trilogy is an action-packed journey that explores the resilience of friendship, the ache of lost love, and Kaelyn’s enduring hope in the face of the sacrifices she must make to stay alive.

(Thoughts) (DISCLAIMER: This is my opinion only, may contain spoilers for the book, may contain coarse language)

  • So Leo returns to the island and apparently this strange virus has affected the world
  • Kalyn stumbles upon her father’s lab and finds out he had been working on a vaccine, but there are only 5 doses
  • The good thing is that I could still remember the events in book 1
  • The 5 of them are forced to flee as the Military begun bombing the island
  • We meet Tobias, a soldier who escaped and tried to warn them about the booming, he joins the team
  • So they find a camp and Tessa and Meredith stay, the rest of them, along with Justin, head out to find someone who can replicate the vaccine
  • Why do I have a bad feeling about Leo? That Kaelyn ended up with him? (SPOILER ALERT: SHE DOES)
  • OMG, they used the radio and someone replied, yet another person warned them about the people coming over, that they wanted the vaccine. The voice of help? Drew
  • OMG, Gav got the virus, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
  • And Anika betrayed them and left, telling them about Michael and his Wardens
  • The story ends with a cliff hanger, Gav has anti-bodies that may or may not work, Tobias might be getting sick
  • I read this book in 1 sitting and it had me on the edge of my seat

Have you read this book? What are your thoughts and opinions? Leave a comment down below! 🙂

Cover Reveal: Revealing Bella (The Moran Family #4) by Alexis James

Hello Bookish friends! This is my first cover reveal, I’m so excited! Today, I will be helping to reveal the cover of Revealing Bella (The Moran Family #4) by Alexis James!

 

So here it is!

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And here is the full cover!

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Title: Revealing Bella (The Moran Family, #4) 

Author: Alexis James 

Publication date: November 7th 2017 

Genres: Adult, Contemporary, Romance

Synopsis:

Choices define you.

Choices dictate your future, your happiness.

Choices can forever change the person you thought you were.

A college party gone horribly amiss will forever change the life of Isabella “Bella” Moran. She hides her secrets from everyone, especially her overprotective family. She confides in no one. She does whatever she has to do to portray herself as the happy eldest sister of the five Moran siblings.

Jace Austin is instantly intrigued by the dark haired beauty. Even though she is icy and mistrustful, he somehow manages to earn her friendship. The passion between them comes easy, but Bella is content keeping her life completely separate. She’s happy with the status quo. She’s comfortable in a world where trust doesn’t come easy and guarding her heart is the norm.

Not Jace.

He wants more. He wants it all.

Other books in The Moran Family series:

-Book 1, “Saving Cruz”

-Book 2, ‘Taming Marco”

-Book 3, “Breaking Roman”

 

AUTHOR BIO:

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Alexis James lives on the beautiful Central California coast. When she’s not spending time with her hubby of almost 30 years or her amazing kids, you can find her tapping away on the computer. She loves reading, spending time with family, reading, camping, reading….and writing too! She enjoys a good date night, an inexpensive glass of wine, and any story that can make her smile and/or cry.

Alexis’s first novel, “Losing Faith”, was released in September 2014. Her second novel, “Loving Emma”, is a standalone, though it does feature some characters from “Losing Faith”. 

She invites you to visit her author pages on Facebook and Goodreads, and her website: alexisjamesauthor.com. You can also follow her on Twitter (@alexisjames27) or you can email her at: alexisjamesauthor@gmail.com.

Author links: 

https://twitter.com/alexisjames27

http://www.alexisjamesauthor.com/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Alexis-James/277331425783939

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/13120850.Alexis_James

 

Thanks to:

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The Pledge (The Pledge #1) by Kimberly Derting

“I pledge to keep you safe.”

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Title: The Pledge (Book #1)

Author: Kimberly Derting

Recommended to fans of: Red Queen series by Victoria Aveyard, Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, Divergent by Veronica Roth, The Mortal Instrument series by Cassandra Clare, Cinder by Marissa Meyer, Crewel by Gennifer Albin

Series: The Pledge trilogy

Publisher: Margaret K. McElderry

Format: Hardcover

Genre: YA, Science Fiction, Dystopian, Romance, Fantasy

Rating: 5/5

[Synopsis] (Taken from goodreads)

In the violent country of Ludania, the classes are strictly divided by the language they speak. The smallest transgression, like looking a member of a higher class in the eye while they are speaking their native tongue, results in immediate execution. Seventeen-year-old Charlaina has always been able to understand the languages of all classes, and she’s spent her life trying to hide her secret. The only place she can really be free is the drug-fueled underground clubs where people go to shake off the oppressive rules of the world they live in. It’s there that she meets a beautiful and mysterious boy named Max who speaks a language she’s never heard before . . . and her secret is almost exposed.

Charlie is intensely attracted to Max, even though she can’t be sure where his real loyalties lie. As the emergency drills give way to real crisis and the violence escalates, it becomes clear that Charlie is the key to something much bigger: her country’s only chance for freedom from the terrible power of a deadly regime.

(Thoughts)

(DISCLAIMER: This is my opinion only, may contain spoilers for the book, may contain coarse language)

  • I found this song and really felt that it really suited this book

(EXTRA DISCLAIMER: This review contains A LOT of spoilers, proceed with caution)

  • I really like the concept of the book, felt like it was inspired by the tower of Babel story in the bible (It’s not btw)
  • So the difference between the protagonist and other people? She can understand all the languages of the different castes
  • Charlaina met Max at the club after his friends invited Brooklyn, she discovers they speak a different language, one she has never heard before, and she understood them perfectly
  • NO, Max is serving the Queen? OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
  • Holy shit, the plot twist that Max was a Prince, OMG
  • So Xander is the rebellion leader and Max probably knows, thats why he asked Charlaina to stay away from him
  • OMG, Aron may be part of the alliance? OMG Brooklyn was part of the alliance all along
  • Charlene belongs to long banished royal family (I suspected something there)
  • That kiss scene was intense (Or is it because of my lack of love life?😂)
  • HOLY SHIT! Another plot twist? Xander is Max’s brother (Okay, I know this has been done to death, but I was genuinely shocked)
  • I was so absorbed into this world that the author built, and also wanted to read the book of another series from previous reading session, OMG, I feel so torn
  • OMG, Queen Sabara is such a bitch

Have you read this book? What are your thoughts and opinions? Leave a comment down below! 🙂

Weight (Rant)

– currently my jam

(Warning: Anxiety and depression topics ahead)

Well, today I went for my gynae appointment (I’m eating hormone pills because of very bad menstrual cramps)(Sorry if I’m over sharing 😂) And we had to take our weight.

So all my life I never really struggled with being overweight or anything, I was usually 45-48kg and was usually called really skinny even though I never felt that I was. My most recent was 48kg. Today when I weighted in, I was at 50.3kg.

I mean I’m not fat, and for my height (156cm) it’s considered healthy but I felt as though I gained 30kg or something even though it was 2.

And then I realised why it seemed as though the world ended when I had only gained 2 kg.

All my life, in my family, my weight has always been criticised. Although my ‘friends’ never commented about my weight or that I was always the skinny girl, the people who really loved me always did. And I think that is what hurts the most.

My mother would always compare my weight to my siblings as though I was a kid who only knew how to eat, but I always ate the least among my siblings. Since secondary school until now. And I didn’t realise how much that traumatised me until now, when I stood on that weighing scale and FELT that 50kg was fat.

Has society been advertising models until we feel like shit every time we weight ourselves? How could society on one hand tell me to love my body, and on the other, tell me that I’m fat and not like the Size 2 girls? How could I love a body that has been told that it could never be loved?

Although I weighted 48 kg most recently before today’s weigh in, these past few months I had been working out and definitely know that muscles have developed and recently started watching my diet (but I always over-eat my 1,000 cal set by my app 😕 )

But the more heart breaking thing was that, I was trying to lose weight even though I am in the healthy range for my height.

Well, I’ve hated my sister ever since I realised that my parents always compare us (only in front of me) and it hurt me and that they always gave the attention to her. And yet I’ve been the one trying the hardest to please them. I always got the best results and always told them my plans and everything, but they’ve never supported me.

(God, I’ve having a difficult time typing this post, I keep tearing up in between, sorry guys)

So she weighed in at 50kg, but she has been sitting around all day and doing nothing. And I know that its the same, but I remembered that I had muscles and had worked out and walked frequently, but that wasn’t much consolation to my brain.

6 ways to know you were raised by a narcissist
> While reading this post, I guess my suspicions were true. (I also heard a lot of people who are INFJs are raised by Narcissistic parents)

All my life, I’ve been led to believe that I was never good enough. (Maybe it’s my high expectations, and maybe it’s the people around me.) But at least now I’m aware.

I also remember my ex mentioning that I was ‘chubby’, I know its not the same as fat, but is it really different?

Maybe people never really realised that words have power. And that power could hurt someone or encourage them, but many do not know it’s effect on the other person. That’s why I rather not to speak if I got nothing good to say. Maybe people who read a lot and write a lot truly understand the power of words and know how to not misuse them.

Although I always brush off my anxiety and depression as sadness and suddenly bad feelings, I knew what they were ever since secondary school. I admitted to them and I was okay with having them, I mean, they never truly disappear, do they? Acceptance is the key, also mindset. I never felt that people who have mental illnesses are a burden or are not needed, they just feel more deeply, they just carry heavier loads while trying to finish life’s race. I’ve been screaming for help, but no one hears me, and recently, I thought about giving up a lot of times but I was afraid to do it. But I’m okay, I think I just need support. My asian parents don’t believe in mental illnesses and just classify it as crazy like the rest of society.

(Oh God, this is so difficult)

I’m not suicidal, even though the thoughts are there, I’m trying to find ways to distract it. I’ve also scheduled an online appointment for counselling to see whether I can get clarification and support. I know it’s better to see a psychologist, but I’m currently not working and I can’t find the strength to get a job.

I might be using my anxiety and depression for excuses, but people don’t know how hard it is with it. It’s difficult for me to even step outside of the house into crowded areas. But I pretend that it’s all okay, but I never give eye contact. I pretend that I know everything in the world and that no one around me affects me or can ever penetrate my walls to bring me down. But that’s the mask that I always show the people around me. As though I’m fearless. I lock away my emotions that drag me down and become an emotionless robot. And I’m tired. But nobody seems to like the real me behind the mask.

For all of you going through the same thing, please know that you’re not alone. Reach out, even if its online and you don’t know this other person. You need as much support as you can get. Don’t carry all that baggage and pain by yourself, it gets tiring and hurtful. Vent when you need to, scream even though you feel as though you can’t be heard, cry as though you were filling a ocean, it’s okay.

Blogging has given me the ability to believe that my voice is heard, that my opinion matters.

And it’s okay not to be okay.

Stay strong.

Love, Michelle